On roles
I have always been told to take the next step, to push myself, and that nobody ever really feels ready, but that it will work out in the end. This logic is flawed, because with this logic, we are saying that each person can keep being pushed into the next position and will be able to properly fill it, to no end.
This may play true for a while. But if I continue doing this repeatedly, eventually I will throw myself into a role I am simply not able to properly fill. Eventually I will find myself in a role I do not have the tools to operate in. Whether this ability peak happens as a town mayor or the leader of a country, everyone has a cap on their ability.
âIf you have taken on a role beyond your capacity, you have demeaned yourself in it, and you have also passed up the role you could have filled credibly.â -Epictetus.
Some roles can be chosen, while others are thrust upon us. We choose our careers, our friends, our partners, and to have children. Being a son/daughter is a role we do not choose, nor do we choose the role of being a member of the society in which we are born.
When it comes to the roles we do not choose, we should act them out to the best of our ability. Circumstances will make some more difficult than others. But before we take on a new role, we must ensure it is necessary, and consider whether it suits us and we suit it. Think about how it will play out in our everyday lives, and how it may affect our other obligations.
Having too many obligations, or âtoo much on your plateâ as often put, means you will not be able to properly fill all of your roles. We must often go against our desires, and do what is proper instead. You want to be a rock star? Well in doing that, what roles do you then drop off your plate? We must be intentional with how we spend our time and energy, as it is limited.
Focus on how to best operate in your given part. If a relationship with your parents has gone sour, should you not just cut them out of your life? You should fulfill your role of son/daughter as best as you can. In that instance, you cannot force them to fulfill their role as the parent, but you can still focus on your actions. If, once you have done your best as the son/daughter, and the relationship is still sour, then at least you have fulfilled your obligation. Just be sure you remain open to changes, because people change their desires in their roles. Do not, however, hope for or depend on this to happen.
Why we take on certain roles matters as well. Are we taking that promotion simply for wealth? Are we taking it because we are better fit for that position than our current one? Are we taking it for positional power? Are we taking it because people tell us we should want it? Or are we taking it because we prepared ourselves for it, feel ready for it, and truly want to do good at it? Why we take on a role is a huge indicator of how suited we are for that role.
If we decide to prepare for higher power positions once we are already in those positions, we are failing. A role can change you, yes. Sometimes that change can be for the better. Being a father, for example, has given me nudges to improve myself over the years. But this is not always the case. Couldnât I have just as easily been pushed in the opposite direction?
Sometimes the ânext stepâ is physically plausible, and you may even do well in that next position. But even in this case, you must reason whether this step is still virtuous. Will taking on that leadership role hurt your performance as a parent, or as a spouse?
There is no 100% correct answer. One shouldnât default to always turning down promotions or additional roles, just as one shouldnât default to always accepting them. We are the only ones that truly understand how best to fulfill our roles, and whether taking new things on our plate is best for us. But we can only know this through real reflection, ration, and reason. Not though emotion.