How my mentality changed
I now enjoy working out for feel, rather than numbers.
I run or go to the gym every day and have been for about three years now. Usually, one or two of those days is a simple stretch and sauna day (rest is important!) This is not said to brag in any way. In fact, up until four years ago, it was a different story altogether. I was overweight, drank alcohol multiple times per week, and never worked out. I was quite frankly terrible when it came to taking care of myself. I got into being healthier, but it was for the wrong reasons. I became overly obsessed with it.
If I was trying to be an Olympic medalist, then yes, obsessing over fitness would be required. Thatās how they make it there. But Iām just a dude trying to live a healthy lifestyle, and the obsessing was not good for me mentally. If I didnāt hit my lift numbers, or meet my run times, I would feel as though I failed. This would cause me to spiral, adding exercises or ramping up my milage too quickly, and I would get injured. And if I got injured running and couldnāt run for a month or so, I would replace that with more lifting. This would cause me to get injured lifting, but by that time my running injury was healed, and I would just go back to running too muchā¦ you get the point.
When I lifted only for the barbell numbers to go up, the scale to change, or ran only for the times to go down I was never satisfied. The numbers never really got to where I wanted them to be. If someone would ask me how I am able to go to the gym every single day, I would joke about it and say, āIf I donāt go, my brain says mean things to me.ā But it was true. The scale portion eventually turned into a few stints where I got pretty weird with food altogether. Even when I was sick, I would go for a run. At the time I viewed this as toughness. As dedication. As discipline. But that wasnāt it. I was trapped in my mind, and I was running because I felt guilty.
I donāt know what changed, or when, but a while ago I stopped caring about the numbers. I no longer track my running splits. I barely know how far I even run most of the time. I just run. On my lift days, I go in, do my lifts, and am happy with how I feel during and afterwards. I barely pay attention to the numbers. If Iām sick, I donāt work out. If I walk downtown, or go on a hike with my family on a Saturday, and I end up putting in a good 4-5 miles, then I donāt feel a need to get home and also go to the gym or run like I used to. I used to have this overwhelming guilt if I did not go to the gym. It wouldnāt matter if I was sick, what I had going on that day, if I didnāt sleep, or if I already walked or hiked a lot.
I am not saying that my way is the optimal way to maintain fitness. Iām sure itās not. You can call me mediocre. You can say I am half-assing it. But Iām happier. And you know what? I still workout every day. I feel better when I run. I feel better when I lift. And when I look in the mirror, I feel better about myself, because I know what I have achieved is from doing something I love, not forcing myself to workout out of guilt. This is the mentality I wish to pass on to my family. Fitness and health are important, mental health is important, but do it for the right reasons. I let it become a part of me. A major part even. But it is no longer the only thing I am. Itās no longer my only identity.