My brain doesn't let me chill
Why is it so hard to just do things? Why do I have this constant need to overthink or over analyze everything I do? I’m going to use this example of joining adult pick-up soccer games at a field near me.
Before, I would just do the thing. If I wanted to go play pick up soccer, I would go join in. If I enjoyed it, I would do it again another time. If I did not enjoy it, I would not do it again. I don’t know when it happened, but this process has changed for me in two distinct ways.
The first thing is: I overanalyze it down to its core. Why do I now have 5 google searches on the appropriate shoes for indoor soccer or common beginner mistakes? Just do it. It’s not the Olympics. That fear you have of someone complaining that you suck, or commenting on your shoes, or being rude the entire time probably won’t happen. But you know what? If it does, then who cares! It doesn’t harm you. It doesn’t hurt your character.
The second thing that happens is: Once I do the thing and find out I like it, my brain goes “alright, this is who I am now” and I burn myself out of it completely. Yup, every Wednesday and Friday forever until the day I die always until the end of time all the time, I will go to pick-up soccer. I will do it even if I don’t want to, or if I’m behind on work/school. It’s who I am so I must. I’m the pick-up soccer player guy now. Like dude, just do the thing and enjoy it. You don’t have to try to make it your personality. It doesn’t have to be all that. It can just be a sometimes thing. I don’t know why my brain decides to make everything part of this bigger plan that MUST be in place. And then after being the pick-up soccer guy for a few weeks, or months, I stop completely. Because by that point, I’m probably becoming the clarinet guy or the yo-yo guy, or the chess guy.
I just want to chill and do chill things sometimes.