It seemed so to them
I’ve been listening to the audiobook, The Let Them Theory, by Mel Robbins. I think it’s popular so I’m sure I’m not alone in enjoying parts of it. She has a section where she talks about dealing with difficult people. In it, she mentions something along the lines of it being everyone’s first crack at life, and they’re all just trying their best. That really struck a chord with me.
Before I begin, I just wanted to make clear that this is not an attempt at making excuses for any abusive behavior people encounter, just some random thoughts I had today.
When it comes to all the people in our lives, our parents, our children, our leaders, our bosses, our subordinates, our teachers, and our students, it’s all our first time here. Here in this life. Everybody is just doing the best they can, with the information and tools they have available. They are acting in accordance with their values. But sometimes the best people can do with their values is still pretty terrible. Sometimes peoples values become skewed, selfish, or ungrateful. Not everyone sits down and analyzes their daily decisions. A lot of people are just acting on instinct, emotion, and random fleeting thoughts throughout the day. OR they are acting on perspectives and emotions that are thrust upon them by these new cool things called engagement-based algorithms, which have been covered extensively here on BearBlog, so I will be avoiding diving more in that branch of fun altogether today. Don't get me started!
In Enchiridion, Epictetus is quoted saying, “It seemed so to him”. Now those were different times, “him” can be swapped to “them”, to ensure maximum applicability. This is also probably what I’ll title this post, and I am purposely misquoting Epictetus changing him to them. Sue me! Anyways, everyone is just doing what they think is the right thing to do. Now, here’s where it gets difficult. What do people value, and what do people see as the right thing to do? That comment your dad made to you at Thanksgiving dinner, in front of your kids. He probably believed he knows what’s best for you and felt making that comment was the right thing to do. That woman who shoplifted from the makeup section at the store, did so because she thought she was entitled to not having to pay for the make-up, and shouldn't have to give her money to yet another “billion-dollar corporation”. “It seemed so to them.” And to discuss a pretty sensitive topic, war. To convince one human to kill another human. Someone they have never met. Either for reasons of their own accord or bestowed upon them, they believe that killing is the right thing to do. “It seemed so to them.”
The more I grow up, the more I realize not everyone has all the answers, and almost nobody has my specific best interests at heart. This is all our first attempt at this whole “life” thing. We are all just walking around, doing what we believe is the right thing to do. This allows me to be more understanding when people act selfishly. Comments I believe I would not make. It allows me to be more understanding with both my family and strangers in my everyday life. “It seemed so to them”.